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life is intense, man


The following is the latest of my existential illuminations born one night when I simply looked at my husband reading in bed beside me:

We date, we fall in love, we get engaged, married, have children, and then raise these precious and fast-growing beings.  We get buried in the constancy and work of parenting, and unless we are aware, we put ourselves in danger of losing the passion that began this family in the first place.

Raising babies into small children requires a lot of energy and often at the end of the day, I want to luxuriate in my bathtub, read a book, and not talk.

And then sometimes I’ll look over at Paul and be struck by the realization that one of us is going to die first, that this journey on Earth together will one day come to a close.

This realization will both punch me in the stomach and inspire me to grab him, tell him I love him, and hold on tight.

It’s a luxury to be able to take our partners for granted.  But sometimes it’s necessary to pull ourselves out of our daily lives and routines and really see the people we love, to soak them in, soak in these moments together knowing everything–all of life–is ephemeral and passing through our fingers like water pouring from a tap.

Life is intense, man.



  1. Thanks for these thoughts. our neighbors: started dating at 16. Married 37 years. Husband got cancer, fought it again, and again over he past year and a half. watching him fight and then to learn the end was coming sooner than later and to see his wife care for him through the end has been hard. He wrote about his passing and in his thoughts he shared not needing a bucket list but his time with family and memories made are what he takes with him. memories made big and small and the joy that comes with making them and reflecting on them is really what fills our buckets.

    • Amen. We are lucky if we get to live these lessons rather than realize them when it’s too late. Thank you for sharing this.


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